Hello everyone, today I am writing about a difficult subject, FORGIVENESS, but mainly because I need to practice this with myself and my kids, the younger they start learning the process of forgiveness, the more happy, healthy, they’ll be.
So first of all what is forgiveness? the actual definition according to Merriam Webster 
dictionary is:
1– to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)
- forgive one’s enemies
- forgive an insult
- to grant relief from payment of
- forgive a debt
So as I understand, it is to lett go that feeling of (anger, sick, bitterness) towards someone, or letting go that need of justice. Once you have forgiven someone, you will feel the freedom on your heart.
There is an awesome saying that “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die”, forgiving does not have to mean forgetting, you can’t ask a rape victim to forget about it, but she can free herself from that root that can lead into depression, hurt, anger, bitterness, physical sickness, etc.
IMPERFECT WORLD
We live on an imperfect world full with imperfect people, which will hurt us willingly or accidentally, it’s the person that cuts the line at traffic, or your friend which decided not to be your friend anymore, or even a member of your family who its verbally aggressive, you can’t change them, but you can change the way you see them. for example: you are at the grocery store and the man behind you starts cuzing at you, you get mad and want for him to go away, you are ready to call the security guards on him, when his wife shoes up and starts apologizing saying that he has Alzheimer and he got lost for a second, what happens then? You shift your anger to compassion and now instead you feel sorry for him, right? That is the way we always have to think, we always have to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person, we don’t know what his going through, but maybe that it’s why he is acting this way, and now your anger and resentfulness shifts towards compassion and understanding.
FORGIVE
So as long as you want to be free, FORGIVE, because it’s not for them it’s for you! That is why is so important.
Here is a very short process of forgiveness that can help you achieve this easier:
1-Count the debt – make a list of the things this person did to you (this is the easy part) we love saying everything wrong the other person did.
2- Close your eyes and imagine yourself in his/her shoes, try to see their perspective, this way you can empathize with him/her and maybe understand why he/her is acting this way.
3- Cancel the debt. Speak forgiveness (actually doing the business of forgiving) it helps if you say it out loud. Not to him, but to yourself or to a close confident.
4- Bless that person you have forgiven, this is a though one, but if you can do this it really means you have forgiven him/her. Hoping he/her has a good life, of just wishing him/her good on whatever he/she needs.
That’s it!
It is actually hardest that it looks, but I promise you it works, and this goes for the kids too. Teach your kids not to be resentful towards anyone so they can be happy.
The steps with them are like this:
1. Talk about he issue – Ask them questions like, What happen? How do you feel? etc. Then ask them why do you think your “brother” or “friend” acted like this? Do you think it’s because he is jealous or tired? etc.. give some ideas on why he/she did what he/she did.
2. Ask them to grab the problem and do something with it – With my kids, who have lots of imagination, that problem it’s always eaten by a shark or went to out of space and exploded, or fired by a dragon, I don’t know, be creative and make this part fun and by the end of it, they will be happy and don’t even remember the issue on the first place.
Hoping this will make us happier, healthier persons! Until next time…
XOXO